The choosing

 

 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NjqZkC8gvMU

Ngokoana (My name was Priscilla)

 

Existential tantrums, a wailing & theological harassment

 

*This is an ode to the living i.e., 

*to the trying.

*to the fighting 

*to the eventually tired

* may you keep receiving Christ 

Father, I am unwell,

...a woman & 34 years old,

So my body is entitled to its existential tantrums

This now, is my little revelation:

I am passing away

along with my indiscretions & moral success...

there are many many tears here,

those encumbering attempts 

of a church-going sinner

dying here, 

withering away,

the coming of another wilderness 

There's a wailing here

From the pews to Yeshua ears :

My lamentations & eventual silence.

*there are many many tears here

Let me wrestle you, 

Fight you, 

in Your Holy pages, harass me there

 & let me endure

the theological chastening  

Until I receive...

...the Nazarene. 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DivUb1K0B0zE&ved=2ahUKEwiuyYWAj5GEAxXXU0EAHbd9B3EQwqsBegQIDhAG&usg=AOvVaw0vuIWXiViDuGtma5KYPOp6

A simple epiphany

Father, the heart, 

the heart , 

the heart lingers a lot longer 

in these troubled palpitations…

…the mind,

the mind surrenders its panicked wisdom 

to your loving word…

but there are damned enemies,

living here with ungodly intentions

fighting the progress of Virtue  

Like decent hyenas in the pit, 

we sit together, to herald : 

the coming of peace & insults alike…

in this righteous chaos, 

Deep in this valley, we reside 

with deluded & noble ambitions alike  

A special madness…

“Only prayer can drive this kind out” ~ JC

Mark 9:29

JC = Jesus Christ 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=H9jbO9STGoM

 Blunt, 

are the swords of poor angels,

they walk like indicted perpetrators of something silly,

inciting change with childish but legitimate anger, 

shifting something unimportant.

to sloppy observers:

they look poor.

empty.

& without divine energy.

yet to those of us, 

with weird eyes and too much pain, 

we look on, 

giggling with a mirth of endless intense,

ready to hear, 

and walk beside them, 

with nothing to offer 

but thanks and much much awe…

I wish I wish

 victims’ tears, 

activists’ rage,

the mauling of faultless children,

the sorrow of childless mothers,

All of that & more, 

These are valid things…

Yet,

the audacity of an aching heart, 

even with guilty verdicts,

the heart appeals for your compassion, 

hold back your vengeance, 

quell a bit, that hot madness in your heart.

 

cast not your stones, 

and if I may insist, 

Turn not even the other cheek, 

simply walk away, 

& leave it all to the discretion of the heavenly court, 

hear the preaching of inconvenient sermons, 

heed  the litigation of inconvenient theology, 

lay down your bullets, 

& feel instead, the wanting of a broken mother, 

and choose the other side of this 

ugly canvass, 

Plead with the angry conscience: 

To calm down & take the foolish path, 

Go in the direction of Golgotha…

and on that journey, 

through desperate supplications,

God willing, 

Everything will be okay.

 my condolences

Rest in peace AKA

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tUeWWRn1Pho

God’s child

 father, 

in me, is a fighter, 

of the sharpest wrath,

against they who 

incite my unproblematic mouth 

to dangerous dialogue…

…yet on this lonely January night, 

A new year 

of  bad & noble probabilities alike, 

I am asking you :

Do not abandon me to the righteousness

of my legitimate anger, 

Release me, your child.

from the folly of an indignant tongue.

and in prayer, receive , please my hottest lamentations.

(and let me rest finally from this insatiable rage)

and let no one, 

Not even enemies of worst transgressions,

suffer the vengeance of my unbecoming tongue…

And yet, oh God! 

let me never coddle the quiet of cowards 

teach me instead, how to speak, 

So the target of my words 

may absorb the essence of it all, 

And wether they repent or not, whatever they do! 

Oh God!

may I cheerfully abdicate  that uncertainty 

to your loving WILL… 

Amen  

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eENkeQH_dow