Kindness unmerited

Kindness unmerited, Love underserved, Nothing in me to warrant your affections, (A lack in me filled by nothing in this world.) You move mountains, Disintegrate the very dearest foundations, You consume the corruption in my heart, You bring me to myself, to realise my inadequacy to fight the foes. (A lack in me filled by nothing in this world) To stop working for your favour, But to behold the darling grace, And to relentlessly pursue it, To stop abusing earthly resources To garner out of them an ever diminishing joy. Save me from that evasive defeat. (A lack in me filled by nothing in this world) 2-Corinthians 1:9, Make me willing to learn, Make me willing to hear, That it is not by my strength But by yours that I overcome. Kind. Patient. Strong. Powerful. Saviour you are. The hope of nations

 

 

I’ll admit my weakness to the Lord ,

And tell him,

Scilla knows not how to fight the foes,

This to God alone, I will tell.

 

Coz’ I sense his compassion

Even if my woes (however seemingly little) do not merit it,

I know  that God understands,

God knows the complexities of my tears,

He knows that whatever trouble

If by not his strength,

Scilla cannot overcome,

I will weep, and pray for however long I want,

In his presence I will not feign strength,  

And exchange shallow smiles.

God's strength does not wear out,

God does not get tired,

I will go to him,

Day in and day out,

By the discipline he allows,

I will pray diligently to him.

Amen.

To be honest with self,

To concede my inadequacy,

To be vulnerable to the brokenness in me.

 

To be called for a purpose.

To thereby have limits and

To know where I am to tread.

 

To not be so concerned about self,

To love something outside the self.

To devote self to someone else

 

To stop searching for it in romance.

To stop searching for it in circumstances.

To stop searching for it in myself.

To stop searching for it, whatever it is.

But to find the source of it.

 

“Eternally fulfilled.

Eternally in love”

For this: to do whatever it takes.

To get up when the self falls,

To go after you

To know you…

Only by your strength,

 

A humble Amen.

The canvas is blank

 

 

 

The canvas is blank,

sheet is empty,

where have the colours gone?

Where are the words?

where is the light?

What now feeds the mind?

What substance beats in the heart?

Where is life?

Dear love,

On the outskirts of these feelings,

Far far in quiet reason,

there’s a way for you&I to love each other right.

You’ve told me who you are.

& I’ve seen your lofty way of life,

those encumbering creeds of God, you promised to keep.

You said If I am to love you,

I ‘d have  to carry them too,

I'd have tiavel on the narrow road,

and rely in the object of your complex extremes.

I think I love you,

 love you enough to tame unholy arousals,

And seek with you,

the vague splendour that hovers

somewhere up there, in the blue forever,

so my dear

divide then, your heavy yoke,

& let me feel the weight of your God upon my conscious.

instruct my eyes to river Jordan,

so I may cleanse the murky window

& behold the paradise at which you aim.

and I will fall to my knees,

weeping perhaps like an awkward convert,

as I realise in holy waters, salvation is in the midst.

& then on, everything I feel for you,

Will no more be an obsession over a fragility I can abuse,

It will be a genuine appreciation

of beauty from a thousand heavens above,

& I’ll  dignify this kiss to you with a promise,
& love you right the way God intended,

And anchored deeply in my heart,

Will be my love,

For you and the power that moulded you.

Wait for me,

Wait for me, & I’ll do right by you.

 

Dear Lord,

wean me from fleeting eros,

so I may love her right.

of this much, my sweet darling deserves…

they say i have cancer,

 

What can I say?

my last breath is approaching the grave.

 

Find me weeping,

Find me weeping

For everything here now seems like genuine nonsense:

temporal merries of  food,

heaps and heaps of gold at home,

dances I shared with a lover,

fine clothes from Paris.

Nonsense.

sheer nonsense,

i look directly at the coming unknown,

of hell, heaven & other galaxies.

Help me for

I used to think,

World merriments would

stretch their bliss to where I now have to go,

thought those sacred moments of life would

lend their energies to my departing soul,

find me weeping,

for I now realise my folly surmises,

find me on my knees,

beseeching whoever awaits me there

to clear my conscious before

my soul departs,

help my poor soul,

help my unbelief,

 

& save me from damnation...

who conflicted this maze?

who conflicted this maze?

Ok fine, where now am I supposed to tread?

anxieties. confusion. damnable suffering.

‘have to walk by faith, so

dear Lord, my daily bread please.

 

And who are these people in my house?

Beating down foundations you&i built long long ago,

do they even know who I am?

Lord please give me my voice back, I need to shout!

my daily bread please!

 

What are you doing?

Don’t you know, through this house, I saw God’s favour

It was my dear assurance

That I was not on other side… Where now am I to lay my head?

Oh! My daily bread please.

 

But they nonchalantly tore down my walls,

discouraged my drive to re-build,

fed me ample silence whenever I’d ask why,

 why they would dismantle such a beautiful house.

Dear Lord, my daily bread please.

 

Heaped with a bitterness.

Indeed, filth resides in my heart.

So help me lord.

Love. Faith. Hope.

Of these, Lord, my daily bread please…